So Here I Am Pushing to Hold Your Hand Again

Continued from part 3

Mike coming abode for Christmas was this amazing blithesome blur of emotions.  He spent five days at dwelling here with our family unit, wrapping presents and attending our friend's annual Christmas eve brunch, serving at the Christmas Eve service at church, and so celebrating Christmas Twenty-four hour period together equally a family. We had a date nighttime and he took the kids out for special adventures, we made our annual trip downtown to run across the train brandish at the botanical gardens and all of the love and beauty and magic this time of the year brings was spilling out all over our family. We were then happy and perfect and wonderful that I call back Authentication was considering making a Tv special out of u.s.a.…(but not really).

Then Mike had to say goodbye to our babies once again, but this time the sting was numbed by the excitement that he wasn't going dorsum alone. I got to return to Denmark with him for 5 romantic days of touring one-time building and eating foreign foods and spending every unmarried minute of the ane,440 given to us in each day with the one my soul had been longing for.

And then just similar that, our fairy tale was over. And I plant myself back on an aeroplane. Alone.

Sitting at the gate trying to keep it together for the sake of the poor person in the seat next to me…terminal time I have to practise this…last time. I am so blessed to have someone in my life that I dear and so much it actually hurts to be apart from them..

And life went on.

Information technology was impossible to say all the things I wanted to say to you this morning without breaking down and crying. I am so incredibly in dearest with you and the longer we are together the stronger my love for you has grown. I take spent the last 10 days in a state of bliss that has been amplified many times over past the corporeality I have missed you while I have been gone. Some days are harder than others, and today in particular is a tough ane. I wanted then badly for one more day or one more hr or even a few more minutes. But I know that you going home is one more step toward me existence back home with you and I will have some joy from that. I beloved the faith that you have encouraged in me and that I get to share with y'all and pass on to our kids. Safe travels, honey. I look frontwards to hearing your voice again soon.

And then here we are – back to communicating via email.  I swear, there is one giant blog post coming at the end of all this…I can merely feel it.  I experience a petty fleck like I'm waking upwardly from a dream.  Being with you for 5 days, no kids, no "real life" responsibilities…It but seemed most too good to be true.  Information technology was similar the honeymoon we never actually had. Being back here, tossed right back into the swing of things is like a cold bucket of h2o to the face.  Information technology'southward like I tin can't even let myself time to miss yous because this clock has to continue on ticking…Trying to pivot down what I desire my new year'south resolutions to be.  That'due south i of our questions for accountability group, then I accept to exist ready to go with my listing on Tuesday. OK, I'm off to do my quiet fourth dimension.  So hopefully crawl into bed and pass out.  I love yous.  I promise you have a great first day dorsum at the office.  Don't exist likewise sad.

welcome dwelling house! This guy is NOT going to bed!

Ahh…26 days to go.  At that place is a role of me that really doesn't want to exist up and getting ready for piece of work this morning time, because I'k mentally still on vacation.  I actually dear that you oasis't let the added work of me beingness gone slow y'all downwards at all.  I continue to look forward to seeing what God is doing through you. I know what you mean about feeling like you're waking up from a dream.  It was so smashing only being together and being "us."  You lot say it is like having a honeymoon that we didn't become, but information technology also is better than our honeymoon because I feel so much closer to you lot now than I did even then. I wait forward to more of these opportunities at present that we're building so much more of the marriage we should take.  On the other hand, I'm virtually to get my bucket of water to the face today when I try to bicycle to work in this brutal cold/current of air.  I am not looking forrad to that.  Love you,

Hey baby, I thought I was doing better this time around about missing you, but then I walked into your closet to put the laundry away and it smelled similar you (in a good mode) and I just saturday down and cried.  I just want to be near you so badly.  Delight allow me know when y'all get up and if you are feeling better.  The kids and I all prayed for y'all at bedtime.

Hi Honey, I slept in this morning later than I should have, so I have to run pretty presently to get to piece of work. I maybe experience a piddling fleck better than terminal night.  I at least don't feel equally cold every bit I did, though I might still accept a bit of a fever.  I miss y'all like crazy only I'chiliad glad y'all're not here still to exist exposed to whatever this is.  I can't imagine sending you back home with the influenza to take care of the kids. Thanks for the prayers.  I hope that today is better.

Hey baby, I more day down. We had a pretty good night.  Early dinner and then a sortof leisurely and drawn-out bedtime.  Everyone had a adventure to play a little and read books and I wasn't super critical about what time the lights went out.  I figured I owed it to them after how insane last night was with all of the cleaning prep. All in all, a much more chill dark where I didn't experience similar I was a terrible mother.  And then that'south good. I downloaded the "burrow to 5K" app for my phone today. I detest that "life goes on" here without you. But the railroad train has to keep moving I guess.  I wish fourth dimension could merely stand however here while we await for yous to come back, but unfortunately information technology doesn't work that way.  I can't wait to have you abode.  For skillful.  Peculiarly on trash nights. (wink!)

Good morning, honey. Now downwards to 24 days to become.  I started feeling pretty bad again last night effectually the fourth dimension nosotros were talking. I went to bed but started getting cold and sweaty again, and so I guess the fever came back.  Not really sure what to make of this. Information technology is so nice to hear that the evening went well. I would think the burrow to 5k thing is pretty manageable for someone with every bit much energy equally yous have, as long as you don't get bored with it or get besides busy to keep upwards with information technology. I am all the same feeling deplorable that we had to say goodbye last weekend, but in my heart I'm also starting to feel excited near the end existence in sight.  I know we nevertheless have a while to go, but it is really starting to feel like it is approaching quickly compared to the last two times where I came out here. I hope that your day goes well, and I'll look forward to hearing from you whenever you can.

Hey honey, I'm having a tough night.  It'due south late.  I'm tired.  I haven't washed any of the things I planned to do this week and I don't know why.  I'm feeling out of sorts, which is totally not like me and like I just want to bury my head in the sand and weep.  Which is strange.  It's like it just snuck up on me. It's already 10 and I still have to practise my bible study. It's like my train is running on someone else's track or something…Pitiful this electronic mail isn't more encouraging or happier or whatsoever – I simply don't have it in me this night. I hope yous got a good night's residuum and are feeling upward to going dorsum to piece of work tomorrow.

Howdy Honey, Another day down.  I'grand sorry last nighttime was a tough one.  For the most part my symptoms are amend, hopefully I can make information technology through the day without too much trouble.  I know information technology feels like it has been a crazy week already – don't forget it is the first calendar week back to "normal" after two weeks that were very aberrant, and on height of that you've had some unusual demands on you lot.  I don't think information technology is strange that you lot're feeling a little fleck overwhelmed.  In fact I think most people would exist more than overwhelmed – simply about people are not you, and most people tin can't ability through things the way you can.  And yous've had some practiced to mix in with the crazy – like the Tuesday night bedtime routine.  I think getting through this starting time calendar week back will brand a big divergence. So much time autonomously has already passed, and looking back it doesn't seem like it was so long, but looking forrard the three weeks does nonetheless feel similar far more time than I want to be separated from you.  Thank you for all you lot're doing to keep things going at home while I'one thousand gone – I know some of them are far more hard than you've shared with me because you lot're being supportive in everything.  I'k so blessed to accept you to come home to.  I love you lot.

Betwixt y'all being sick and this week existence totally insane…I experience like we've barely spoken.  Possibly it only seems that way considering I'm still coming downwards from spending and then much time together over Christmas.  I tin't wait for you to exist abode. It's like, I get to this point in the day and I'1000 just done.  I don't want to talk (or write) or think or anything.  I but want to be together.  Watch a movie.  Or just sit.  My encephalon can barely form thoughts…Merely as awful as this time apart has been, I know this too has meaning.  This too is a maturing process.  Maybe we tin't meet the fruit of this labor right at present, but in time, peradventure we will.  If being autonomously is what it takes to ultimately bring u.s.a. closer together and to God, and so ok.  But I tin't say I'g non glad it is about over. I was worried that January would end upwardly being so long and tedious and awful, but right now information technology feels kind of exciting.  Considering the end is in sight.  It'southward and then shut.  Not just until another "visit" only until yous are habitation. Until it'south over. I love you baby.

Of all the things I'chiliad missing, the time spent at trail life with Avery is one of the things I experience the most guilty nearly.  I can see the disappointment in his eyes when he talks about doing these things without me, and so I remember that I really don't accept much longer before he wants to do everything on his own.  Information technology actually makes me tear upwardly just a little fleck thinking about it. And I hold – I worried about January being tough, merely in reality I think it is going to be the easiest because of all that is going on and because I'm looking forward to coming dorsum home for practiced. Yesterday the barber asked me if I would exist planning to come up back to Copenhagen again afterwards I go home. Seriously people, I miss beingness home with my family.  Across that, most of this is just kind of a blur.  I hope you lot got a skillful night's rest and that your weekend is relaxed. Every mean solar day I'thousand a little more excited to exist back with y'all for good.

My last scheduled followup with the Ortho came and went and I finally got the all articulate from to completely remove the brace.  Over the last half-dozen weeks my wrist had healed very nicely and he said that every bit long as I wasn't in daily pain, I wouldn't even need physical therapy.  I left his office with the instruction to phone call him "if I felt like I needed him" merely that otherwise – information technology was back to life as usual for me. That was a tremendous weight off my shoulders.  This thorn had finally passed and now things were really starting to feel a bit brighter.

Hi beautiful. I've been released!!! Express range of motility and significant pain if pushed too far…but the bone has healed and it's time for me to whip myself dorsum into shape! He said come up back in 2 months IF I am still having hurting. Otherwise, hasta la vista infant!!!

The pain and sorrow and heartache of the final 10 weeks seemed to exist fading every bit nosotros got closer and closer to the finish line. Suddenly everything was tinted with the rose-colored glasses of looking frontwards to Mike's homecoming and I felt unstoppable. But in that location was withal so much time to pass and I was feeling very antsy. So I took advantage of a iii days weekend from school and packed upwardly all iv kids for a road trip to Cincinnati to encounter their new baby cousins.

And I finally got around to starting the burrow to 5K running program for my New Twelvemonth's resolution and blogged about it.

God was speaking life into my middle over simply most everything I was doing. He had given me peace and renewed joy in my spirit. Things were going so well that I allow my guard down just a little. I actually had the nerve to think to myself with and then piddling fourth dimension left until Mike returns, "What else could happen"…

This.

This is what could happen.

With simply ten days to go until Mike'south return…the skies opened up and covered my globe in several feet of snow. I was trapped at home. The kids were out of schoolhouse. There was null to exercise to keep my listen decorated or laissez passer the time on those seemingly endless days between breakfast and bedtime.

Shoveling in the middle of the night trying to stay on top of it.

This much took ii hours

Snowfall Solar day!

The never-ending shoveling, long days of bundling upwards kids over and over again to play in the snow and the sense of cabin-fever was just enough to let the voice dorsum in my head start to push me downwardly again. It began to play tricks on my mind and in my heart. And in my weakness, I gave in.

Hey, I've been thinking nigh you and us for hours.   And as it gets closer and closer to you coming dwelling, in addition to my excitement, I'm starting to feel a little humble.  We have been so good.  Fighting so difficult to stay connected.  To stay strong.  Going out of our mode to brand time to talk and electronic mail and text.  And the two times you have come domicile it's been piece of cake to drib everything effectually me only to be with yous, considering I knew it was merely a short amount of time before you lot left and my  "life" went dorsum to the new normal.  Just that is all about to be over.  You are coming dwelling house, for adept, and I'm agape that once the "honeymoon" menses wears off, and you are back to the office and things go back to the way they were before. I'm afraid nosotros volition be less intentional.  Less devoted.  I never desire to take you for granted.  I never want to but assume you will always be around. I never want to waste another moment arguing or being stupid or merely eating up time we could be spending together. Simply I know information technology can't be all roses and sunshine forever.  This feeling I have, right now, missing you, desperate to take you home, I know it will fade once I have you back.  I will exist less devoted.  I volition be less attentive.  I volition exist tired and without the sadness of yous leaving me to push button me through, I will get lazy. I don't want that to happen. I want you lot to know that I love you so much.  These concluding 3 months have been and then difficult.  So hard.  Simply I've pushed through them for you.  I've managed.  Merely I'm agape I've gotten used to doing everything by myself.  On my own.  What if I tin can't permit you back in? What if all of this stuff I've been property back just explodes one time you are here? I feel like I could just lay in your arms and cry for days.  Tears of joy to have y'all domicile.  Tears of sadness for all the fourth dimension nosotros lost.  Tears of anger and frustration for all of the things I've had to do myself.  Tears of relief to not have to shoulder the burdens alone any more.  Tears of confusion.  Tears of honey. Information technology hurts in means I never imagined.  I hate that I've done so well without you. I hate that the kids have just accepted this every bit our life.  I hate that Landen tells anybody he sees that his existent daddy is in Denmark simply his ipad daddy is at home.  I hate that Avery is reading every lego box he sees to see if the pieces were processed in Denmark.  I hate that Easton is itch and talking and eating and you've missed it.  He was "your" baby.  You prayed for Him.  You desired him.  You practically willed him into being.  And then y'all missed him.  I don't mean to make you feel bad or guilty or annihilation, merely I only hate it.  All of it. I know this was God'south plan for us.  I know that.  Just information technology but hurts then much.  And I am having all of these feelings welling upwards inside me the closer and closer it gets to you beingness back here.  I mean – are you only supposed to come up back and we act similar nothing always happened?  Nosotros just become on with life as usual? I'one thousand pitiful to dump all of this on you.  I only couldn't hold information technology dorsum any longer.  It was eating me up.  I love yous.

Oh honey, I wish I could wrap my artillery around yous right now.  I miss having these conversations with you in person, when nosotros can sit down together and talk, and where even if nosotros're deplorable or frustrated, we're together.  You have been and then amazing while I take been hither and I really hope I haven't taken you for granted so far.  Information technology has been really hard being hither and lone and wanting to exist back home, but I know that you've had and then much more than to deal with, because in add-on to the loneliness you've had to keep upward with "our" life by yourself.  And while I've been able to talk to you about being solitary, I know y'all've been and then intentional almost not talking to me about the difficulties you've had to deal with and not making me feel bad most being here.  I capeesh y'all so much, and I have recognized that the reason yous've been and then blithesome and diligent through all this time is non considering it has been easy but because you've been intentionally supporting me.  I can't get over how astonishing that is, and I don't want to.  Ane of the things I was thinking about doing our reading this calendar week was the thought that no matter what, couples have to deal with the fact that both partners fall brusk.  I feel like I haven't had to deal with that while I've been here because nosotros've been working to become through this hardship together and because you've been so defended to keeping us strong, but I know we'll still have times nosotros get upset or frustrated or hurt.  I hope that what we've felt and learned and experienced over the last iii months volition help usa do a meliorate chore of appreciating each other – I especially mean that for me.  I have seen so much more than clearly how and how much you beloved me through this time and it has actually inspired me to desire to be more than. I sincerely believe that this was God'due south plan for us right at present, and in some means that makes information technology easier to deal with considering I trust that the plans he has for the states are expert ones.  I call up the challenge, at least for me, is recognizing that His programme doesn't beginning and stop with me being here.  In other words, He didn't bring me here and He didn't put you through this time autonomously without a greater purpose in listen than u.s. just surviving.  For me, I think part of what I am supposed to take abroad from this is that we have such an amazing relationship – you and me – that can bring us through anything, but that also deserves care and attention.  I've plant time in my solar day for you every solar day I've been here.  I spend hours writing to you each week, and we spend even more time talking on the iPad and the phone.  For some reason, when nosotros're together, in the same place every solar day, I have not in the past taken nearly that much time for you lot on a consequent footing, and I need to change that.  And I think you're very right to point out that this is gong to exist much more than of a claiming one time I'm back and dealing with the "normal" demands of life.  Cheers for letting me "in" this forenoon.  I know that you've been and so careful to hide a lot of the sadness and frustration and injure over these terminal 3 months so that you tin back up me.  But I have too missed being the person you tin unload on when you're having these feelings.  It doesn't always experience practiced at the time, simply that's who I want to be for you – the person in life that y'all tin can share everything with and who is always there for you to talk to.  You're such a strong, smart, devoted woman and everyone sees that – I miss seeing the vulnerable side that you only share with me.  I dearest you lot for all that yous wrote to me today.  I don't recall there's an easy answer to all of the questions you're asking – and a lot of them are in my caput as well.  But I think yous're right to feel that nosotros need to start talking about all of this – what it will exist like when I get back, how nosotros have changed while I've been gone, how life should look given the things we've learned or felt over the last 3 months, what needs to change in our daily routines, etc.  Give thanks you for so ofttimes being the one that is stepping out for u.s. and guiding us in the correct management – your initiative is one of your greatest attributes.  I'm looking forrad to talking more nigh this with yous.I beloved you, I miss you, and I feel the same apprehension about how we translate the relationship we've been cultivating so carefully over this time apart into the new normal when I get dorsum.  I believe in us, and I am looking forward to turning this into something we build on, not letting information technology be a setback.  I feel like we can do anything if we are both committed to information technology. I love you so much.

As the snow connected to fall and pile up all around united states of america, with just over a week to go, it felt like troubles started to pile up effectually me too. Beginning with a leaky ceiling right above the baby's crib.

It turned out that all of the wind we'd been having was blowing snow directly into my attic. In that location were literally piles of snow just sitting upwardly in my crawlspace and equally they melted, they began to leak through the ceiling. First the baby'southward room, then my closet. I was reaching the end of my rope.

Ok, WHAT??  How on earth practise nosotros take snow IN THE Attic???  Is there a hole in the roof?  I'm at a loss for what to say – Why on earth does this have to happen this week?  I'm so pitiful that you have one more thing to deal with. I am so close to being there.  I'm so ready for this to be over.  I desire to exist there to take care of y'all and to make sure you don't accept to deal with these things.  This week can't go fast plenty. I want my life back then badly.  Our life. I dearest you and I miss you

In between feeling numb and panicking, I was texting my friends who accept had deployed spouses trying to figure out of the feelings I was having were insane. I mean, what kind of crazy person isn't excited that her hubby is coming dwelling, subsequently spending months simply wishing her husband would come up home. I felt broken. And filled with a fear that I did not recognize.

I can't believe you volition be home in iv days.  I feel like I should be having more than emotion most this.  That I should be curled upwards somewhere in a ball crying my eyes out or jumping up for joy…just at the moment I simply feel frozen.  In atheism.  Like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop or something.  I'm non sure I tin believe it's real.  Maybe after I go out of "survival mode" I will feel differently.  Possibly if the kids really do go back to school and I have 2 minutes to myself.  Correct now I can barely think about annihilation from all the constant noise…

For the terminal calendar week, I tin tell that you've just had enough of everything and its similar my stay here was a week longer than it should be.  For me, I am simply so excited and happy nigh finally being washed here and packing upward and getting on the plane to come habitation.  I'chiliad and then excited to see you, to agree you lot, to be done leaving you lot.  Merely I know for you it is just different because you lot have so many other things that go on popping upwardly that accept to be dealt with now – the snowfall, the roof, the kids.  I hope that you get a chance to catch your breath over the adjacent couple of days, particularly if the kids actually get to go back to school finally.  In my devotion yesterday, 1 of the ideas was that God doesn't e'er reveal what He is doing or why, but it is our chore to simply be listening and willing to do equally He wills u.s..  I hope that I've done that while I've been here.  I exercise feel happy that I've managed to maintain my spiritual subject field past going to church and doing my devotion and prayer fourth dimension every solar day, which is something that the 5-yr-ago me might take allow slip.  I think that counts equally some growth at to the lowest degree.  I miss yous so much.  three weeks was crude.  four weeks is worse.  I desire "usa" back.  One thing about being separated – information technology definitely has heightened my awareness of how much I love you, how yous make me "me," and how much I need you lot in my life.  Thanks for being my married woman.  Thank you for supporting me in this, especially when it has been so hard at times.  It will exist over shortly and we'll be together again.

One more night down.  I was really bummed thinking about tonight.  With no church building, it was going to just be one more night to drain into the endless body of water of other nights alone at abode – but Sarah decided to bring me dinner when she brought Avery dwelling and stick around and eat with me.  Abby came also and we hung out, had daughter talk, the kids played – it was great.  I actually felt like a real person again for a few hours.  It's astonishing what a little human contact can do for the mental state. I'k sorry I've not been ameliorate these concluding few days.  I'thou certain it'southward been very frustrating talking to me.  Y'all are and then excited and set up to come home and I just sit there similar a zombie staring into space.  It's not that I'm not excited.  It's just this week isn't going like I had planned. I had these large ideas in my head of what information technology would be similar when it was time for you to come up home.  How I would feel.  The things I would do.  And say to you.  The preparations I would make. And now everything is just and so messed up.   I'm not even sure what I feel.  Except exhaustion.  And like I want to just hide in my room and lock the door.  Then I experience bad because I feel similar I'm making you feel bad.  I'g a mess.  I don't want you lot to take to come home to a mess. That's not what I planned.  I'm deplorable.

I want to come dwelling to you lot.  And I want to come dwelling to yous regardless of how you are feeling or anything else.  I know it is hard.  I wish you lot could feel the excitement that I feel, only you have had a really hard time and it has lasted for a long time, and y'all've had to bargain with so much by yourself, so I get that it is taking a cost on you lot.  I just promise that as we get to the end, the joy of being back together will push out the sadness and frustration and loneliness of our time autonomously.  I'm ready to be washed talking to you through a video screen. I am so excited to see you and to hold you.  I'one thousand so excited to give the kids behemothic hugs and pick them up and wrestle with them and brand them breakfast and practice all the things nosotros've been unable to do for and so long.  Just two more than days of work and a long aeroplane ride away.

This is the final time y'all will wake upwards and read and email from me before work.  You are coming home.  This "other life" you accept been living for the last 3 months is over. And and so is mine. No more sleeping lone.  No more crying alone.  No more than filling my evening hours with people on TV.  No more missing y'all.  No more than trying to cram my days into emails and video chats.  No more trying to hide the bad stuff.  No more than trying to invent the proficient stuff. No more being aroused.  Or lone.  Or Deplorable. I miss yous. I love you lot. We are so shut.

It seems almost surreal to have made it this far.  I'm i day away from being done.  My mind is already at home with y'all and the kids.  Thinking of helping yous have care of Easton (saw he had a very crude night), thinking of sitting and talking to you lot, thinking of having a noisy house instead of a silent apartment.  My existent life is right around the corner. I can't await to become home today and to tell you that I'chiliad finished.  I can't await to go my packing done so that I tin can be ready for my flight tomorrow.  I can't wait to just be "done." I know I don't have any idea how difficult this time has been for you while you've sacrificed for me. I know that the merely mode you could practice it is through the honey that you have for me and the love you have for God.  You accept been so strong through all of this, and I have been so blessed by having your support – your kind words, your smiles when you were pain on the inside, your encouragement when you wanted to be upset or angry, your efforts to manage kids and schedules and then that we could talk each day.  You lot've done so many things that made me feel then loved and cared for.  You are amazing, and I can't wait to have "us" back. I dear you,

It seems similar I blinked, and then we had him. For skilful this time.

Our season of suffering was over. We had fabricated it through. All those worries and fears and the anxiety I had been feeling over having Mike home once more melted the moment he wrapped his arms around me.

Every bit we walked out of the airport, I remember feeling this immediate void, as if something had been left backside; similar maybe we had forgotten something.  Just then I realized that although we hadn't forgotten anything, something had been left behind. The spirit of sadness and frustration and anger and grief and loneliness and sorrow was gone. We were free.

We had been pushed; Oh, how we had been pushed. But nosotros had overcome.

There is no trial that cannot exist overcome through organized religion. And so many scriptures promise united states of america that this globe cannot pause us, if only we cling to Him. Trust Him. Take faith in Him.

"I have told y'all these things, so that in me you may take peace. In this world y'all volition have problem. Just take heart! I have overcome the globe."James 16:33

"Blessed is the human being who remains steadfast nether trial, for when he has stood the examination he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

Simply he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may residuum upon me. For the sake of Christ, and then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

The trick is, we accept to recognize what is happening to u.s. in order to fight it. We cannot just sit around and wallow in all of the bad "coincidences" chalking it up to a "terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-day". We have to recognize at that place is a greater power at piece of work.

 ^" For our struggle is not against flesh and claret, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the 24-hour interval of evil comes, y'all may be able to stand your basis.." Ephesians 6:12-13a

Every bit believers, we are under attack. I believe with my whole center that I was actually pushedoff that tabular array. Non by a physical pair of easily – just by the powers of this dark world that wanted to see me pause and crumble and curse the God I loved. But it doesn't last forever. When the solar day of evil comes to us, or even an entire flavor of evil, we tin stand our ground. If nosotros cling to His word. No matter how many times we are kicked while we are down, nosotros stand strong, and concord fast to the promises of the 1 who loves u.s.a. and redeems us and is fighting for us. Satan can, and is, and ever volition be defeated.

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right paw delivers me." Psalm 138:7

Pushing me off that table was meant to break me; to destroy my religion. Because that is what Satan does – he seeks to kill and destroy. Only there is e'er hope.  Our powerful and loving and awesome God uses all things – ALL THINGS for expert for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose – then even this – this awful time of sorrow and heartbreak – had purpose. My faith was renewed. Feeling and then alone and constantly defeated acquired me to draw on a force far greater than my ain. The lower the enemy pushed me down the more than I realized I had nowhere else to look only upwardly.

It was there, in those darkest moments when all of my walls had been stripped down, where I was kneeling raw before the Lord, that I found the dazzler in my suffering.

I saw a glimpse of the most humble, most pure, virtually vulnerable version of myself.  In that moment I was a lump of clay, ready and waiting to be shaped by the Father.

Sometimes nosotros have to be cleaved, so that nosotros can be made new.

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does non put usa to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:iii-5

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Source: https://wordsofthewises.wordpress.com/2016/12/13/i-was-pushed-conclusion/

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